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Brandeana <333
10 April 2007 @ 10:26 pm
Panic Attack

Lisa called, which is good but I was out to Dinner with my sister.

I get home, my grandmother tells me, so I pick up the phone and dial the number I know as Lisa's.

Not in service?

Now what.

I'm exhausted.
I should be in bed.

I can't sleep until we get in contact.

God Damnit.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Soul Kid 1 - More Bounce in California
Brandeana <333
08 April 2007 @ 09:28 pm
My stepmom starting bitching at me so I told her to back off.

She proceeded to grab me where I twisted out of it and slapped her.
I told her to back the fuck off.
She went to slap me but i'm a bit more quick with the reflexes.

I grabbed her arm and twisted it down behind her, using her force to knock her over.
I let her go but she felt the need to turn to look at me and to try to slap me.

I grabbed her hair to where she proceeded to try to claw me with her nails of one hand while she tried to turn the cigarette she was holding in the other to burn me.

I told her to put the fucking cigarette down.

My dad told us to stop so I let go. He told me to go into the Kitchen so I did but she felt the need to come in and follow me. I told her to get away from me so I went back out into the other room.

My dad told me to leave but I wanted to finish watching what I had been for the passed 2-3 hours or something on sci-fi so he pulled the defensive male stance but backed off when he saw there was an hour left.

He then told me how my step mom tried so hard to make easter nice, unlike how my real mom ran off and has done nothing for me and how she's a piece of shit. I told him that he needs to stop bringing her up because he's not perfect either.

He told me to get out so I left.
I reminded him I was leaving on wednesday.

He said good.
I slammed the door behind me.

I'm done with Delaware. Fuck you.
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: Metro Station - California
Brandeana <333
08 April 2007 @ 03:42 pm

Happy Easter.

I noticed my skin wants to mock me before California.

I have a little patch of dry skin on the tip of my nose that i've been smothering in facial lotion but it just doesn't want to give in and moisturize, hah.

My pores are itching to inflate, too.

I wouldn't be surprised that on tuesday I wake up hideously facially disfigured from my hormone's fucking me over due to stress.

Life works out like that.

I need to make a list of things to do on Tuesday.
After Easter Dinner, I guess.

Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: Jack's Mannequin - Bruised
Brandeana <333
05 April 2007 @ 11:29 pm
Cleaned my room totally for the most part.

Sorted through old school papers.
Laughed at how 9 out of 10 had some type of drawing on them.

Completely done tests and classes.

Done packing for the most part.
Besides my carry-on bookbag
and boxes that will be staying here and some how sent to me lol

I think I have a fever.

From stress or something I bet

I just want to get the whole plane thing over with
I just want to be out there already!
Current Mood: lethargiclethargic
Current Music: Lola Ray - Automatic Girl
Brandeana <333
04 April 2007 @ 11:53 pm
So, I told my grandmother not even 5 minutes ago about Wednesday.

I told her how i'm leaving to a city a thousand miles away.

I wanted to cry and apologize and I still do but I have nothing to say sorry to.

I love her and she's been the only mom i've ever known.
That doesn't change that she's hurt me.
a dozen times
for telling me how terrible of a person I am.

I have nothing to say sorry for except that I couldn't be what she wanted even if deep down inside i'm the best thing ever.

I told her i'll be back for holidays and that I wish I could take my cat.

I told her how i'd be in Houston to change planes.

She couldn't comprehend why California. Why not Florida.

I told her I want to go out and do crazy things.
I don't want to be stuck in Delaware.

My father is going to be told this weekend when I see him.
I'm scared he'll punch me in the face.

He said he'll only pay for me to come back once a few weeks ago.
He said he wanted to talk to Kyle then never showed up.

I'm tired of always been the one to lean on and blame.
I want them to know what it's like for me to not be there.
I want to know what it's like with them not being there.

I still want to cry.
Not because of second thoughts.
I want to cry because i'm so overwhelmed and terrified.
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Current Music: Jack's Mannequin - Bruised
Brandeana <333
03 April 2007 @ 02:16 am
My heart is racing a mile a minute, I don't even know where to start. I think Kyle and I had it in our minds that sure, it was going to happen but still looked at it as surreal and just a thought and plan. I have a ticket receipt in my e-mail and a scheduled flight.

My world is spiralling and I haven't even gotten in contact with Lisa. She's the one who's taking me, she's the only one I want to take me, no one else even comes to mind. I'm so nervous. Will Kyle like me when I get there or will we both realize that this is the most idiotic mistake we've ever made?

No. I can't think that way. It's going to be amazing. We've both never done anything so crazy, so irrational just because of someone we don't even know. No one really ever has. We're insane, we're stupid, we're pathetic but we're in love and we're completely sure we want this.

My chest is tight, my brain doesn't know what to think about. Will I have problems in the airport? Will I have a ride to the airport? Will I miss my flight? Will something go terribly wrong? I always think things are going to go wrong or i'm going to mess something up but for the first time I really think that it's going to go just fine.

I'm going to really see him. Face to face. For the first time and for every day after that. We're going to be with each other every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year for as long as you can fathom.

We're going to drive each other crazy, we're going to want to punch each other, we're going to want to smack the other, kiss the other, beat up the other, hug the other, spoil the other, and the list goes on.

We sat there after he did and and asked each other over and over again, "Baby, what are we doing?" "Baby, what did we just do?" "Baby, this is serious" "Baby, oh my god". We're speechless ourselves I don't even want to know what people looking at the situation have to say if anything at all.

I haven't posted in this journal for ages except for random idiocies here and there but this is serious and this is amazing.

This is absolutely happening and the world is never going to be the same.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Phantom Planet - California
Brandeana <333
03 April 2007 @ 01:35 am
Making maps easy to get to for when I hit the library to print them out in a day or so.

IAH - Houston, TX International Airport.

LAX - Los Angeles, CA Airport.

Brandeana <333
01 April 2007 @ 08:00 pm
Moving in a week and a half

Brandeana <333
07 February 2007 @ 06:05 am
Oh yeah, Paga:

asthma (az-muh)

A chronic disease of the respiratory system, characterized by sudden, recurring attacks of difficult breathing, wheezing, and coughing. During an attack, the bronchial tubes go into spasms, becoming narrower and less able to move air into the lungs. Various substances to which the sufferer has an allergy, such as animal hair, dust, pollen, or certain foods, can trigger an attack.

anemia (A-ne-'me--UH)

A deficiency in the oxygen-carrying component of the blood, as in the amount of hemoglobin or the number or volume of red blood cells. Iron deficiency, often caused by inadequate dietary consumption of iron, and blood loss are common causes of anemia.

hyperthyroidism (hi-'per-thi-'roi-di(z'm))

An abnormality of the thyroid gland characterized by excessive production of thyroid hormone, which can result in an increased basal metabolic rate, causing weight loss, heart palpitations, and tremors.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: "Origin of Love" - Hedwig and the Angry inch
Brandeana <333
01 February 2007 @ 03:37 am

Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: "Digital Love" - Daft Punk